Have a holiday party to attend tonight and absolutely do not want to go. This year feels harder. Last we were still spiraling in a whirlwind of chaos, but this year all is calm and there’s way too much time to think. I just don’t want to paint on a happy face and pretend to be engaged in celebration, but I’ll go and make an appearance, because not doing so would be rude. A gesture of gratitude for being invited, and giving what little I can, because that’s what we do.
Category Archives: writing life
As the Equinox is upon us once more, embrace this time of mystery and the balance of darkness and light. Take time to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labors, as we prepare for the shift to darkness and the approach of winter with the waning of the sun. Purge yourself of that which hinders your growth and accept only that which encourages it – out with the old, in with the new, during this time of death and rebirth. A blessed Mabon to all.
9.22.16 j.a.terry Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Friends of ours gave us a Daisy Gardenia as a living and loving memory to Byron. New growth started appearing early spring and then without any indication, the first bloom appeared and I was awestruck. Not because it finally bloomed, but because it bloomed this morning, on his birthday. Further affirmation that he hasn’t left us, he’s everywhere, at all times, with us always.
That on this day, marking my 49th trip round the sun, I can glance back at all that has passed, with certainty it all happened as was intended; while focusing intently on the Now and not on what’s yet to come; for no matter how long or hard we plan, or how much we want to believe, life truly is not of our control. j.a.terry 4.17.16
Something caught my eye through the sun glared dirty windshield – an old tape; dropped, lost, perhaps now forgotten, laying alongside the road. I watched the ribbon blow freely in the early evening breeze, and felt a pinch in my heart I recognized as sadness. I thought of him – the way we were in the beginning; two souls colliding, igniting our hearts forever, each with another by our side, keeping us apart, but unable to extinguish the inferno that raged between us.
For a year we danced the waltz of secret lovers, inside our minds, each time our paths fatefully crossed, proving no force strong enough to keep us apart; as a knight in shining armor he appeared upon my doorstep, a gift from God on the eve of that Christmas, sweeping me up in his loving arms, promising never to let me go; vowing to love me through good and bad, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
Twenty years of laughter and love, new life and family with the gift of our son; successes failures, betrayal and forgiveness, all wrapped up in our ribbon of love; blowing through time, weaving our lives.
For two years I smelled death creep upon him, I expressed this to him, but we spoke not of it. He distanced himself slowly, over a period of time, as a beloved cat prepares to wander off and die, confirming his preference that night I made reference. No burden would he be, no life worth living being dependent and not free.
I saw him there, inside my mind, those last moments when all seemed lost, any shred of light snuffed out in darkness, our ribbon of love no longer enough to sustain him; his thoughts were of us, his love just as strong, he asked for forgiveness as he raised the gun. The end wasn’t instant, this came as a shock, he stood and he stumbled, fell face forward on the ground, blood seeping slowly, he whispered, “What have I done.”
– j.a.terry 1.30.16
Though what we’ve lost can never be replaced and the path my life has taken is not the chosen one, I’ve still so very much to be thankful for. May you all realize the depth of your blessings, this day and every day. Peace, love and light – jill
Dia de los Muertos ~ Honoring, remembering and celebrating those who have crossed before us. Praying in support of their spiritual journey –