Tag Archives: emptiness
I see you suffering and wish there was something I could do for you
I witness your pain and my own heart aches
I see you spiraling faster each day
Downward motion to nowhere land
I wonder who’ll be waiting when you reach the end
Unsure what led you to this path
You no longer walk but run these days
The shift came sudden and without any warning
Your sanity slipped and crazed madness set in
You pushed aside all that was real
Lost sight of your self completely
Chasing that ever illusive sensation
Known simply as euphoria
You haven’t a positive word to say
Allowing negativity to swallow you whole
I say these things because I know this place
Having visited and lingered a time or two
Your beauty and intelligence still shines in your eyes
Though clouded by your tears
With love and understanding I offer this prayer to the Universe
That someday soon you’ll find your way home
She sat in the corner, listening to the deafening sound of silence, the room cold and dark, but for the faint amber glow of the accent lamp that illuminated the edge of her desk. She looked at the untouched plate of food and her stomach recoiled at the sight. She needed to get rid of it, the smell that she hadn’t noticed until it visually invaded her space, suddenly making her nauseous; but she was too numb to even think, much less get up and take it to the kitchen. She managed enough motion to touch the edge of the plate with her fingertip, and slowly push it away, until it tipped then disappeared over the side of the desk into the waiting wastebasket below.
She didn’t understand how she could feel so much pain, when it was emptiness that filled her now; how it could be that she found herself living for a dream that at moments such as this seemed absolutely hopeless; on her knees, futilely begging him to see, that he’s everything she ever wanted and all that she needs. Wondering if it was as easy as it seemed, for him to walk away and leave her there; lost and alone, spiraling out of control in a grief-stricken meltdown of epic proportion; her fragile strength slipping away completely when he told her, quite simply, No.
There was no stopping the flow of tears or gut-wrenching sobs, as images flashed from an internal reel, and the one she kept coming to over and over, was the sweet sadness that filled his eyes; sadness that revealed the depth of his own anguish and pain, over what had transpired and become their situation.
She saw herself reach out and gently touch his face, telling him she loved him, kissing his sweet lips, feeling for the first time that she alone, was enough; and she wished in that moment she could have left this plane of agonizing existence, wrapped in the warmth of his sheltering embrace, having closed her eyes and simply drowned in his love.
©2011 Jill Terry
She vaguely remembers him kissing her goodbye, as she lay sleeping in that big empty bed; though she wasn’t alone, not completely; for in her subconscious she was doing much dreaming. Then she woke and it all came crashing down; her reality, her misery, her fear and her longing. Images, words and thoughts, colliding into one, spiraling uncontrollably the halls of her mind; she reached a trembling hand, but again she found no one.
She emerged into the world, but only for a moment; for the light and presence of others unknown, pained her mind, blinded her eyes; and so wearily she carried herself to that place they call home, unlocking the door, assaulted once more by the onslaught of loneliness.
Was one of those days when she longed to lay fetal; unmoving, unthinking, unfeeling…just numb; but soon he returned with a broad happy smile, smelling of the road and telling her tales. Of the day he had, the friends with whom he met, the food, the laughter, the drink they had shared.
She smiled and nodded, heart shattering in silence; as she held back the tears that burned her throat and eyes; wondering how much longer she could live this life of lies. He kissed her on the cheek, asked what she was writing; “just some drivel, nothing you’d find interesting.”
He shrugged in acceptance, then turned and left the room; his brief presence trailing him, as if he’d never been there. She searched her bag, felt and extracted the bottle; shook out two pills, the ones taken for pain, hoping sooner than later, the trick they would do.
©2010 by Jill Terry
She doesn’t seek his memory, it just comes creeping; and when it does, that’s all there is.
Its nothing to do with fear or inspiration; building a fan base that was there long before he was; or anything at all for matter of fact. For who would dream of seeking such hurt.
Its simply a means of soul survival; an attempt to heal, her wounds on her own. Purging her being in the form of words; bloodletting her system of his poison, his disease. Being caught in the death trap, he sets and springs.
His desperation for reprieve, amounting to nothing; empty words of apology and pleas of forgiveness. He gobbles her words and his ego grows, waiting for Twitter to tell him there’s more.
Bouncing off doors
A singular voice
Bent on spiritual
Bolt the door
Shut my eyes
I see you suffering, and I wish there was something I could do for you.
I witness your pain, and my own heart aches.
I see you spiraling, faster each day; downward motion to nowhere land.
I wonder who’ll be waiting when you reach the end.
Unsure what led you to this path; you no longer walk, but run these days.
The shift came sudden and without any warning.
Your sanity slipped and crazed madness set in.
You pushed aside all that was real; lost sight of your self completely.
Chasing that ever illusive sensation; known simply as euphoria.
You haven’t a positive word to say; allowing negativity to swallow you whole.
I say these things, because I know this place; having visited a time or two.
Your beauty and intelligence still shines in your eyes; though clouded by your tears.
With love and understanding, I offer this prayer; that someday soon, you’ll find your way home.