Tag Archives: death

Divine Intervention

Out of nowhere came this urgent need to reconnect with him. It had been several years but took only minutes before his voice was in my ear and he was damning me for reaching out again. I’d found him in limbo, which wasn’t actually surprising, he’d already done his stint in India, studying with the masters, becoming a Yogi and whoring the knowledge he’d gained for himself in order to survive. Always just trying to survive.

He was back in the states on the west coast, ready to head east if I gave the word. He was tired and just wanted to lie down, wanted to lie down with me. But I hesitated, as I always did, and no matter how brief or split second my pause, that was always the deciding factor.

We relived each moment spent, every truth ever told, forgave all the pain caused by endless lies and selfish deceptions. It was cleansing. It was cathartic. It was the most honest we’d ever been.

We said goodbye and promised to stay connected, though time slipped away and we never really did. Only after I found myself lost, once more wandering blind in the black abyss, did I reach for him again, only this time he did not come. I searched and quickly found that a brain tumor had taken my sage to the other side, just six months after we said our final goodbye.

I slipped deeper into the pit where no light could penetrate, lingering in my pain with no will to move from that place; and I stayed there for three long agonizing years. Until one night he came to me in a dream.

The next morning I searched and quickly found a message that previously had not been received. A comment left on a post he’d written after reading my words.

There must be something

Worse than being alone

More painful than lonely

Something other than death

Though I’ve yet to find it –

“I’ve been searching too. Nothing of value. I thought it was karma but it’s really just life. You move me with this one. This is powerful, this is truth…dying’s not so bad. I’m not haunting, but I am knocking.”

Death had changed me, for what I believed to be forever, loss had snuffed out my light and I knew there was no coming back; accepted as my fate to simply exist for my remaining days; until he threw a rope into the well of angst and urged me to climb out.

That changed me more than death could ever do, for in that moment I was reminded what my pain had allowed me to forget; there is no death, only a shift of worlds and our connection is never truly lost; and if he could throw me a rope from the other side of life, I could sure as hell reach out and take back mine.

~ jillterry 7.1.18

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Travel well, brother ❥


Living Death 


The minutes just keep passing

White on my wrist red on the clock 

Menacing with a secondhand 

That hangs on the wall

While the reel of visions

Unravel in my mind 

The harder I try to stop

The faster they come

Searching and found 

Unmoving on the ground 

Lifeless and stiff 

Gun by his hand 

Facedown in a river of blood 

I can’t stop either

Time passing 

Or visions from coming 

Over and over like a broken projector 

And yet it somehow all slows

As it meticulously drives me mad – 

j.a.terry 3.31.17


Sitting with sadness


Death Changes Us – 


I lost my first love to death at nineteen, chased his ghost for a decade; trying to find him, trying to find who I was without him, until I met the mate of my soul; found love with him so true and unconditional that I was totally free just to be and discover me. Now too, I have lost that love to death – my greatest love, my true love, my last love; and while I know exactly who I am now, don’t have to search or chase his ghost, for I see and feel him everywhere, in every thing, I can’t get past the pain of my broken heart to even fill my lungs with a full breath. Love changed us, it made us better, it created precious life from the best of both of us, it saved us more than once and his death has changed me still more. If I could feel anything past this pain perhaps I could find a way to peel my self off the floor. 
~ jill terry 7.7.16


I see my self, I just can’t reach me –


If . . . 

If I could go back and live that last day over, I most assuredly would be waking by his side tomorrow – j.a. terry 1.6.16​

  
 


Day of the Dead 

Dia de los Muertos ~ Honoring, remembering and celebrating those who have crossed before us. Praying in support of their spiritual journey – 

 j.a.terry 11.1.15 

  


In loving memory

  


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