Tag Archives: courage

Divine Intervention

Out of nowhere came this urgent need to reconnect with him. It had been several years but took only minutes before his voice was in my ear and he was damning me for reaching out again. I’d found him in limbo, which wasn’t actually surprising, he’d already done his stint in India, studying with the masters, becoming a Yogi and whoring the knowledge he’d gained for himself in order to survive. Always just trying to survive.

He was back in the states on the west coast, ready to head east if I gave the word. He was tired and just wanted to lie down, wanted to lie down with me. But I hesitated, as I always did, and no matter how brief or split second my pause, that was always the deciding factor.

We relived each moment spent, every truth ever told, forgave all the pain caused by endless lies and selfish deceptions. It was cleansing. It was cathartic. It was the most honest we’d ever been.

We said goodbye and promised to stay connected, though time slipped away and we never really did. Only after I found myself lost, once more wandering blind in the black abyss, did I reach for him again, only this time he did not come. I searched and quickly found that a brain tumor had taken my sage to the other side, just six months after we said our final goodbye.

I slipped deeper into the pit where no light could penetrate, lingering in my pain with no will to move from that place; and I stayed there for three long agonizing years. Until one night he came to me in a dream.

The next morning I searched and quickly found a message that previously had not been received. A comment left on a post he’d written after reading my words.

There must be something

Worse than being alone

More painful than lonely

Something other than death

Though I’ve yet to find it –

“I’ve been searching too. Nothing of value. I thought it was karma but it’s really just life. You move me with this one. This is powerful, this is truth…dying’s not so bad. I’m not haunting, but I am knocking.”

Death had changed me, for what I believed to be forever, loss had snuffed out my light and I knew there was no coming back; accepted as my fate to simply exist for my remaining days; until he threw a rope into the well of angst and urged me to climb out.

That changed me more than death could ever do, for in that moment I was reminded what my pain had allowed me to forget; there is no death, only a shift of worlds and our connection is never truly lost; and if he could throw me a rope from the other side of life, I could sure as hell reach out and take back mine.

~ jillterry 7.1.18

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A L W A Y S 

  


CONSENTUAL SEX 


For the Motherfuckers force-fed me tea at a party 28 years ago. You know who you are . . . 

If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they respond, “OMG, I would fucking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!” Then you know they want a cup of tea.

If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unsconscious people can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they are unconcious.

GOT IT?!?

If not, you can read more here ~ 



Finding Courage

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Gifted wings wrapped up tight
Hidden away out of sight

Little bird broken and lonely
Chained by misery burden so heavy

Take those wings learn their power
Why they were given how to use them

Look to the sky spread them wide
Take a deep breath have faith in your flight

©2013 jillie
Jillterry.com


Don’t count me out ~

Sleep comes less easily
As time approaches
Worries set in

Fear becomes
Something entirely
Different

So many things
I would take back
I would change

Already happened
Already too late

As I come to the end
Of this neverending chapter
I know how I want it to end

But my wants no longer
Seem to match my needs

And so I acquiesce…

Because it’s the only choice
Ive been given

The only thing
Left for me to do

And while I may be down
I am most certainly not out

Not in life
Nor in death

I will see my way
Across this bridge

And take what awaits
On the other side

What is rightfully mine
Always will be

And has been all along

©2012 jill
Jillterry.com


HOPE DOESN’T FLOAT…IT SOARS

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…
~Unknown

The day dawned
Bright and new
Sunlight streaming
Warm breeze wafting

Pulling me from sleep
A magickal slumber
Awakening at last
To a brand new world

Strange and foreign
Yet somehow seemingly familiar
Where my first thoughts
Were not of another
But simply of myself

Taking moments to realize
A transformation had happened
And things that meant
So much yesterday
I find now of absolutely
No consequence

Shift happens
So I’ve always said
Having fully believed
Now finally experiencing

Thinking of myself
Finally for a change
In a positive light
Completely unselfishly

Taking care of me now
Priority number one
And those who choose
To be part of my life
Can take me as I am
Or simply move on

I will not apologize
For my thoughts and my feelings
For my wants and my needs
For my faults and my weakness
For my human frailty

And while they are still
Very much part of me
They no longer define me
This person I am

An independent thinking
Strong-willed intelligent woman
Who will no longer settle
For less than she deserves

I fell off to sleep
Bleeding, bruised and broken
I woke filled with courage
Hope and determination

I will no longer suffer
Or be any mans fool
A new day has dawned
And I’m changing the rules

©2012 Jill Terry


PAST THE POINT

Past the point
Of no return
She frantically searched
The looking glass

Seeing visions and images
That weren’t really there
A multitude of words
Being backwards truths

Wondering always
If anyone knew
Or even cared
How she really felt

She dropped the looking glass
Shattering to the ground
Catching sight of Alice
The chase was on

Decidedly she followed
Into the last rabbit hole
Meeting up at last
Midnight long since passed

She took a deep breath
Gathering courage to ask

Alice paused
Head hung regretfully
Heart filled with absolute sorrow

Then answered honestly
I just don’t know…

©2011 Jill Terry


Bottom Rung

He could have taken her to the Grande Palace Resort, but chose a seedy hotel on the waterfront, within walking distance of the Pier; for it lent an air of noir to the affair, that mixed well with her fatalistic attitude of their coupling. Though he hated when she spoke in “after the fact” tense, it was one of her curious traits that he found most fascinating; her ability to see the world in ways and realms that most could not; including her knowing how they would end, before they even began.

He was a superficial praise whore to be sure, putting himself at the center of attention if he didn’t happened to automatically fall there; and while those around him found him an overbearing, egocentric ass, she sensed his insecurity and saw something deeper that others did not, and that’s the part she wanted to touch. But their chemistry and attraction was unparalleled and irresistible; taking them straight to that line they should never have crossed; the means to their inevitable demise.

The path by which she led him was laden with mystery and truth; the things they did in room 231 was nothing short of debauched wickedness. Touching on every human compulsion and desire; connected by kismet, each movement determined. She coaxed him deeper than he’d ever gone, then feasted on his philosophy, all the while stroking his ego and soothing his soul.

The scars she was left with are worn as badges of valor, for the end was truly a vicious battle; and while she believed that he’d grown from their time and experience, in the end he retreated right back to that haven of superficiality, convenience and comfort; the one that stifled, restricted and smothered. The one he thanked her, on countless occasions, for releasing him from.

What she hadn’t foreseen was the coward he’d become when the black cloud moved in and ultimatums rained down; choosing to cling to collected possessions that held no meaning, but symbolized his monetary value and social standing; rather than harnessing his soul that had only just begun to soar, and riding the current of freedom wherever it happened to take him.

She understood the cruelty he showered upon her, in the form of his words immediately thereafter; actions displaying the stand he was taking, to appease the one he’d forsaken; malicious words intended to wound; of regrettable mistakes and meaningless missteps, that he would spend the rest of his life repenting. But the blatant disrespect he hurled in her direction, when their paths crossed and they landed face-to-face, was more than she could suffer.

She knew their truth, yet he chose to live his own lie; and she’d walked away peacefully with no looking back. The justification for his hatred was pure ego-driven; reminding and rubbing her nose in the fact, that he stood far above on the ladder of success and achievement, whose rungs she refused to climb; when he knew deep inside that his position and wealth had never meant anything or impressed her in the least. She was the only true spirit he’d ever known; her freedom the very thing he longed for – the one thing he was afraid to embrace.

The depth of his shallowness was revealed to the world, on that cold, rainy November night. The camera crew zoomed in on the crime scene; police tape blocking off the street, a shiny, silver Maserati parked in the alley alongside the Hotel Palamar. Two victims found in the car, both having died from multiple gunshot wounds. President and CEO of prominent architectural firm and an unidentified prostitute, both having met their untimely demise during an apparent act of unfinished fellatio.

She gazed at the image on the television screen, as the camera panned out and revealed the full scene, her eyes were immediately drawn to the window on the second floor; a window she knew too well – the window to room 231, where they’d carried out their affair.

They say some men you just can’t reach, and while she didn’t doubt that for a moment, she also believed that upon reaching that place at the core of one’s soul and touching upon the truth that dwells there, some simply aren’t courageous enough to reach out and embrace it; choosing instead to succumb to their fear and fade into the illusion.


For Jone

Warrior Woman

May the stars carry away your fear and sadness
Hold on to what is good

May the promise of spring fill your heart with beauty
Hold on to what you believe

May hope forever wash away your tears and pain
Hold on to what you must do

May your stillness in this silence make you strong
Hold on to life
Hold on to my hand

Don’t let go
Don’t ever let go…

© jillterry


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