Tag Archives: change

Divine Intervention

Out of nowhere came this urgent need to reconnect with him. It had been several years but took only minutes before his voice was in my ear and he was damning me for reaching out again. I’d found him in limbo, which wasn’t actually surprising, he’d already done his stint in India, studying with the masters, becoming a Yogi and whoring the knowledge he’d gained for himself in order to survive. Always just trying to survive.

He was back in the states on the west coast, ready to head east if I gave the word. He was tired and just wanted to lie down, wanted to lie down with me. But I hesitated, as I always did, and no matter how brief or split second my pause, that was always the deciding factor.

We relived each moment spent, every truth ever told, forgave all the pain caused by endless lies and selfish deceptions. It was cleansing. It was cathartic. It was the most honest we’d ever been.

We said goodbye and promised to stay connected, though time slipped away and we never really did. Only after I found myself lost, once more wandering blind in the black abyss, did I reach for him again, only this time he did not come. I searched and quickly found that a brain tumor had taken my sage to the other side, just six months after we said our final goodbye.

I slipped deeper into the pit where no light could penetrate, lingering in my pain with no will to move from that place; and I stayed there for three long agonizing years. Until one night he came to me in a dream.

The next morning I searched and quickly found a message that previously had not been received. A comment left on a post he’d written after reading my words.

There must be something

Worse than being alone

More painful than lonely

Something other than death

Though I’ve yet to find it –

“I’ve been searching too. Nothing of value. I thought it was karma but it’s really just life. You move me with this one. This is powerful, this is truth…dying’s not so bad. I’m not haunting, but I am knocking.”

Death had changed me, for what I believed to be forever, loss had snuffed out my light and I knew there was no coming back; accepted as my fate to simply exist for my remaining days; until he threw a rope into the well of angst and urged me to climb out.

That changed me more than death could ever do, for in that moment I was reminded what my pain had allowed me to forget; there is no death, only a shift of worlds and our connection is never truly lost; and if he could throw me a rope from the other side of life, I could sure as hell reach out and take back mine.

~ jillterry 7.1.18

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Blessed Ostara ||☽✯☾


Feel the Cosmic sway
as the balance shifts
Astrological year begins

Equal parts darkness and light
la luna e il sole
in my birthsign aligned

At dusk I go in preparation
for dawnings celebration 
To bask in the promise 
of the light half of this year 

©2015 | jillterry.com

  


Blessed Ostara ||☽✯☾

Feel the Cosmic sway
as the balance shifts
Astrological year begins

Equal parts darkness and light
la luna e il sole
in my birthsign aligned

At dusk I go in preparation
for dawnings celebration
To bask in the promise
of the light half of this year

☮jill

©2015 | jill terry

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19 February 2015

It reaches far beyond intolerance, to something that I’m not even quite sure how to describe. I don’t know if it’s the state of complete and utter self absorption of which the majority of people exist, or that because of it, they aren’t able to see beyond themselves to do anything to help themselves. Does that make sense? Because in my mind it does.

Case in point – grown man whining and moaning via social media about unhappiness, how miserable he is, when will it be his turn for happiness and then days later posts a picture of a freshly dug grave with some offhanded remark about being better off there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a heartless bitch; in fact, I’ll go out of my way to help someone, if I feel they genuinely need or want it, and I understand those who reach out to others in times of need and struggle. I’m not saying this man isn’t crying out for help, the comments alone, reassuring him what a wonderful person he is and so forth must have kept him going for days on end, and if that’s all he wanted was reassurance, then I get that.

What I don’t get, is people pissing and moaning about how fucking miserable they are and how their life sucks, while they sit on their ass giving the middle finger to the world to use for their profile picture and then sit back and expect something to happen, to change. Nothing is going to change unless you make it change, and that doesn’t mean overnight; that simply means making a conscious effort to do something productive on a daily basis that’s going to move you in the direction of your goal, your dream, and help you reach a different reality outside your miserable self.

I repeat – NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT CHANGE

Rant over.
Carry on.

©2015 jillterry│jillterry.com


To anyone who will listen ~

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Tonight I lay with a heavy heart, due to the ugly truths of the world set and seen before me this day. Unconscionable acts of unspeakable cruelty and violence, carried out by fellow human beings who were borne into this world just as I was, just as you were. I ask the questions, over and over; why are these things happening, why are we allowing them to happen, and why aren’t we all actively doing whatever we can to make them stop?!

Are we so jaded and numb to these things that we don’t actually comprehend what we’re seeing, what we’re being shown; that because it’s not affecting us personally from the comfort of our favorite spot in front of the television or computer that we’re ignorant enough to believe that it doesn’t affect us; or are we just too fucking lazy and self-serving to be bothered?!

We each have the ability and I dare say responsibility, to do everything in our power to be the good in the world, to right the wrongs, to stop the insanity, to use our voices to scream at the top of our lungs, to anyone who will listen that Enough is Enough!

We cannot look the other way and just hope the ugly truths magically disappear or expect others to make the changes for us. Life just doesn’t work that way.

Step outside your selves, look around you, find what touches you most deeply, take up the cause, educate your self and get involved, take that first step toward making a change in something you know in your heart needs to be changed, needs to be stopped.

Stop believing that you can’t make a difference, that one lone voice cannot change the world, and know instead that you can, YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

We all can.

Peace, jill

©2014 jillterry│jillterry.com


Solitary confinement

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The time is at hand
The necessity of change
Meditating on the emptiness
Reflecting to gain strength

Shifting perspective
From a sense of sheer urgency
A higher price on personal value
With a built-in guarantee

Cultivating self-worth
By looking within
The need of comparison
Entirely unnecessary

Casting a solitary circle
Taking stock of individuality
Positive inner qualities
Unique and hidden talents

Focusing on the goodness
The blessings that abound
Moving away from the darkness
Letting go of things lacked

Learning to be worthy
Of grace and esteem
Healing from within
Reclaiming a soul of beauty

Acknowledging that missteps
Are simply part of the process
Self worth is independent
Of how one is measured

Finding and making peace
In emptiness and fullness
Somewhere between reality
And all that’s ever been dreamed

©jillterry
Jillterry.com


Finding Courage

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Gifted wings wrapped up tight
Hidden away out of sight

Little bird broken and lonely
Chained by misery burden so heavy

Take those wings learn their power
Why they were given how to use them

Look to the sky spread them wide
Take a deep breath have faith in your flight

©2013 jillie
Jillterry.com


Resuscitation

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I have no words
Only images

No original thought
Only memories

Stuck on empty
Idling in neutral

Nothing left
At all
To share

Muse has
Fled

Muse is
Dead

©2013 jillie
Jillterry.com


Don’t count me out ~

Sleep comes less easily
As time approaches
Worries set in

Fear becomes
Something entirely
Different

So many things
I would take back
I would change

Already happened
Already too late

As I come to the end
Of this neverending chapter
I know how I want it to end

But my wants no longer
Seem to match my needs

And so I acquiesce…

Because it’s the only choice
Ive been given

The only thing
Left for me to do

And while I may be down
I am most certainly not out

Not in life
Nor in death

I will see my way
Across this bridge

And take what awaits
On the other side

What is rightfully mine
Always will be

And has been all along

©2012 jill
Jillterry.com


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