Monthly Archives: May 2012

Thin ice and a roll of the dice

Walking across a pond
Frozen thin ice
In the pitch of dark
Creeping toward the edge

A foreign forest
Seeking communication
The hunter within
A complete and total stranger

An apparition
Lost in the fog
Never before met
Yet at times feels familiar

One my heart
Tells me I love
My soul assures me of
But a stranger nonetheless

I feel the ice begin to break
The closer I get to what lies within
Cracking and splintering beneath me
Immobilizing me in place

Afraid to move
Unable to breathe
Fearing if I yell out
My call will go unanswered

So I stand unmoving
Waiting patiently

To see if my sins
Can be forgiven

To see if the anger
Begins to ebb

To see if one day
I’ll be worthy again

©2012 jillie

quote of the day

“Nothing is intentional – when it stems from lack of acceptance of reality and the ability to stand the fuck up and deal with it, instead of shrinking in a corner and pretend it’s going to go away.” ~jillie


quote of the day

“A perception, sudden as blinking, that subject and object are one, will lead to a deeply mysterious understanding; and by this understanding you will awaken to truth.”
~ Huang Po

Eat the Daisies

The daisies with sunshine centers
Mock me no more

The voices whispering doubt
Have all been silenced

My vision no longer focused on perception
The eyes I see through are only my own

Wise to the truth my heart has always known
The stars in the sky remind me nightly

I do
I do
I do believe

The truth that was told me
Once for ever star in the heavens

Prayers to those same stars
That one day I would realize

That day has finally come
Belief and realization here at last

The hearts may now be only smiles
But smiles are so much better than tears

I do
I do
I do believe

In the prayers that were answered
And this love that fills me still

©2012 jillie

In this silence I believe…

First cut Solar Plexus
Vertical toward Crown
Counterclockwise he travels
Adding three more

Meticulously concentrated
With precision skill
Graceful fluidity
Masking exerted energies

Intently confident
A master at his craft
Superior abilities balanced with
Sheer will and determination

This perfect stranger
Fate forced upon my path
Whose concern I feel
Compassion openly shown

Determined to make me well
Give me exactly what I want
While doing everything just right
Guaranteeing quality of life

Of which this stranger
Cares and believes
That I, also a stranger
Absolutely deserve

My last night in lockdown
My final in captivity
My body disease free
Major organs removed

Final meltdown
Alone I sit recovering
In this silence I believe
As the rage subsides in me

Realizing he did more
Than simply remove diseased tissue

With the very first incision
He unchained my soul
From the demons had latched on
And for so long been in total control

He untangled the jumbled mess
Of my heart, my soul, my mind
He left me in-tuned and balanced
A shifted outlook on life

Centered on my self
The core of my very being
Coming to the end
The first book of my life

Filled with passion
Raw, unfiltered desire
Not a single want to look back
But to start penning the sequel

Of which I alone
Am the shining star
Having found my own light
As I stand and walk silently away

From that rocky shore
That blackened abyss
Teeming with fear-filled monsters
Once known as my life

©2012 jillie

fly fly away . . .

He was especially early this morning, 7:15, when he walked in the room saw me sitting at the desk writing as I listened to music; smiled and said “That’s my girl!” He walked over to where I was, I stood and he gave me a giant hug, took me to the bed checked me once more over, told me how wonderful I’ve done and set me free!

Well, till next Monday anyway…

©2012 jillie

Quote of the day

“The game our own fear forces us to play is one that as a mortal, I will never understand; for my spiritual self simply cannot accept succumbing to power so wickedly insane.”
~Jill Terry

©2012 jillie

Don’t count me out ~

Sleep comes less easily
As time approaches
Worries set in

Fear becomes
Something entirely

So many things
I would take back
I would change

Already happened
Already too late

As I come to the end
Of this neverending chapter
I know how I want it to end

But my wants no longer
Seem to match my needs

And so I acquiesce…

Because it’s the only choice
Ive been given

The only thing
Left for me to do

And while I may be down
I am most certainly not out

Not in life
Nor in death

I will see my way
Across this bridge

And take what awaits
On the other side

What is rightfully mine
Always will be

And has been all along

©2012 jill

a forgotten heart

Smells like a warm breeze
From heaven
Love to feel her smile
Under my lips

Runs fingers
Through soft fur
Smiles wide
Bites her lip

Tickles her nose
In the fur
Inhales me

Watch her fight sleep
Trying to stay awake
Just to keep watching me

Watch the smile
Crawl across her face
Snuggles in the nook
Finds peace and sleep

All is not lost
So long as we remember
So long as we believe
So long as we love

©2012 jill

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