At one time you would have been happy with such
At one time it would have been enough
At one time you wouldn’t be questioning such things
At one time those things wouldn’t have mattered
At one time you never would have had those doubts
At one time we had forever and time was irrelevant
At one time I thought that things were going to change
At one time I believed our love was all that mattered
At one time I believed nothing could get in our way
At one time I thought you wanted me as I you
At one time I thought you couldn’t live without me
At one time I was a fool believed in a dream
At one time that dream was my truth
At one time that dream was meyou
Now you’re just that boy behind a locked gate
I tried for years but never could reach
It must be nice to be the man that decides his own destination
No matter what responsibilities or others he leaves behind
No matter what anyone may or may not have planned
No matter how sick or in need of care
If the sun is shining he’s off on two wheels
Going wherever he wants and calling it work
To hang out at biker bars and chat with known whores
It must be nice to be the man with no conscious whatsoever
To see her sitting in the corner crying, pretend he doesn’t
Offer no comfort and just walk right on past
It must be nice to be the man who only needs money in his pocket
Because the one he neglects, yet claims to love works her ass off
To pay for his medical needs and all of his household bills
It must be nice to be the man who says fuck it and tosses the paper aside
The one that had only two questions needing answered
The one that would have left them with something if he dies
It must be nice to be the man spends his life in his cave
Crossing in the hall or on the way out the door
Only two reasons for him to ever come inside
Indoor plumbing and a nice soft bed
It won’t be so nice to be the man
Who wakes one of these mornings in complete oblivion
To find everything gone but her lingering scent
Why do you think she’s packing her boxes
Why do you think she avoids you at all cost
Why do you think she cries in the night
Yet it will be her fault when she leaves you
Because there isn’t a single thing wrong with you
So next time you see me if I haven’t already left you
Passing liters of blood on the floor turning grey
And you can’t get a signal to call 911
It’ll be because I said Fuck it and didn’t pay your bill
So suffer you worthless son of a bitch
Stand there helpless and watch me die
And if you thought I was worth more to you
Dead than alive
Would you make me a beautiful corpse, for all the world to see – then turn me to ash and release me to the breeze. For my life light shines so very dim, and I’m all out of bulbs to make it bright again.
Detached I had become
From all that surrounds me
Seeing things from a skewed and twisted perception
Seeing – but not through my own eyes
Focusing on nonsensical aspects
Letting the truth slip away
Allowing myself to free fall
Because of it
Then the long dark cloud blew in
Forever looming – blocking out the light
All light – leaving an abyss of blackest pitch
Bent on destruction and slow painful consumption
Finding myself once more at the threshold
Not heaven’s pearly gates
Nor hell’s flaming lakes
Simply death – nothing more
ENTRY DENIED
Not once but thrice
Back into the corporeal world
Desperately I was pulled
By the very light I allowed to be diffused
Due to lack of faith, fear and doubt
The blinding light that never fades
Never goes out – transcends all
Time
Space
Worlds
The eternal light of LOVE
Borderless – all powerful – Infinite
Highlighting the subtle insignificance
Of so many aspects upon which we place importance
The scale by which all else should be measured
The one clear path to truth – understanding – happiness
The only guide I will ever again follow
Throughout the remainder of this life
Into my death – onto the next
Cole multi-tasking –
with me in hospital
doing homework
listening to music
texting Alyssa
just being himself
More than being an awesome kid – kind, caring and genuine, more than being an honors student, more than the talent he possess, more than his determination to follow his passion and make his dreams happen, more than his inherent ability to see past the facade and truly see things the way they are; today I am thankful for having successfully raised a free-thinking individual.
My greatest accomplishment to be sure – and my real gift to the world . . .
Gifted with a keenly honed sense of the duality that resides in the soul of every human being, Jill Terry has been called a master at her craft; ensnaring the heart and raw emotions of her subjects, with a depth and honesty rarely found these days.
