Monthly Archives: January 2011

THE WAITING GAME

Nothing can ever be done

To stop
To slow
To turn back

Time

No matter how you long
To live in those moments
No matter how far
You try to reach beyond

Time cannot and will not be frozen

Feeling the oxygen
Being sucked from the room
When the door slams shut
Your time suddenly up

Left alone

Drowning in a whirlpool of reality
While floating on a sea of fantasy
Made of your own creation
As the clock ticks mockingly

And all you can do is wait

Spinning out of control
…..and wait

Feeling yourself unravel
……………And Wait

Coming completely undone
…………………….AND WAIT

©2011 Jill Terry

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THUNDERSTRUCK

Loneliness brought her there in her darkest hour
Spinning out of control in a world collapsing
From within lifetime ago dreams he magically appeared
Though lost and broken she wished he had not found her

He brought her in from the frigid cold
Shattered the bonds that restrained her soul
Vowing never to lie, nor secrets would they keep
Her desperation and need making him weep

He offered himself wholly and the healing began
Extracting painful memories, mending old wounds
Breathing life over her, his own strength into her
Promising forever to love, protect and keep her

©2011 Jill Terry


QUOTE OF THE DAY

Truth does not vacillate; it is always true.

Whatever is true is eternal, and
cannot change or be changed.
Spirit is therefore unalterable
because it is already perfect,
but the mind can elect what
it chooses to serve.

excerpt: a course in miracles


SHADOWS IN GLASS

Not quite world renowned, yet still slightly famous
His artistry revered among an extended circle of faithfuls
All clamoring for entrance to behold the coveted treasures
The beauty of his creations surpassed only by his vision

Sometimes a window, sometimes a mirror
Making one question their own perceptions
Forcing them to look within rather than simply at
Taking them beyond levels of personal comfort

And there at the center she lingered unknown
The one he delighted in whilst feeding her soul
Yearning to accept him in his world absolute
Define the separation between artisan and masterpiece

She peered through the window and saw her own soul
Finding the mirror that no longer revealed
That which she believed she still longed to see
Deceived by trepidation of past wounds and demons
Distracted by the notion of his possible comparison

©2011 Jill Terry


DEFINING MOMENT

She just sort of sat there, thinking to herself, “Did that really just happen?!” Wondering if that was all there really was; and why, after all this time, even arguments were still one-sided.

She asked him flat out, why he never talks to her, why there is absolutely no communication between them and why their relationship begins and ends in the bedroom; why is he satisfied with that, and why doesn’t he realize that she needs so much more.

He didn’t answer, but instead hung up the phone. They didn’t speak at all that night when he got home, and she slept on the sofa instead of in bed. The next morning he woke up and it was as if nothing ever happened. She could only assume that he’d already filed it away, in the suppression/denial section at the back of his brain.

She knew full well the subject would never be brought up again; and while she’d come to expect that as the norm, she no longer was willing to accept it.

©2011 Jill Terry


PARENTAL GUIDANCE

Science is defined as; a branch of knowledge or study dealing with a body of facts or truths systematically arranged and showing the operation of general laws: the mathematical sciences.

Religion is defined as; a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

He questions and theorizes more than most adults I know, and while I’ve always taken this as opportunity to share my own thoughts and beliefs with him, I’ve always made it clear that before reaching any type of conclusion, he gather the facts, weigh the variables and listen to his inner voice, which each of us has been gifted with for a reason.

He met me on the porch when I arrived home the other day, happy to see me, and clearly in need of clarifying conversation. Seems he’d learned something in Science class that day that completely went against his knowledge of Religion. And I specifically use the term ‘knowledge,’ because while his grandfather is a God fearing preacher man, his father a spiritual man of faith, his mama does not conform to the ideology that organized religion would have us believe, though he has always been provided the necessary tools and guidance to draw his own conclusions on which to form his base of beliefs.

I didn’t panic and search my mind for a suitable, passable answer, though I did silently muse, at reaching this inevitable stage at such an early age. Instead, I told him what my mother once told me, when years ago I’d asked a similar question. She said simply this, “I would rather have faith and believe and find out that I was wrong and it was all just a lie, than to live my life not believing, only to find out it was the truth and I was wrong.”

I was probably in my late twenties at the time, and I remember that being the most profound thing I’d ever heard, and so it would be, the decision made, which in reality was no decision at all. He immediately smiled and I saw the same relieved expression in his eyes that I too felt; and that’s when I took it a step further and asked him simply, “if you whittle that down, to the bare essence of the statement, what have you really got?” He thought about it for a minute, his expression completely changed, his eyes met mine and just as I knew he would, answered quite simply, “Fear.”

None of us are born with the knowledge of God, it’s a set of beliefs taught by man; and what purpose and means of such teaching, depends solely on the one doing the teaching.

As Dostoevsky once said, “If you were to destroy the belief in immortality in mankind, not only love but every living force on which the continuation of all life in the world depended, would dry up at once.”

Just something to think about…

©2011 Jill Terry


ON TARGET ON POINT

Dying a thousand deaths
In the span of a single day
As one gut-wrenching reality
Overlaps the other

When the blinding light
Fades to black
At the sound of
Internal screams

Waking to a nightmare
Watching it unfold
Her unlived life
Nothing but a dream

©2011 Jill Terry


PAST THE POINT

Past the point
Of no return
She frantically searched
The looking glass

Seeing visions and images
That weren’t really there
A multitude of words
Being backwards truths

Wondering always
If anyone knew
Or even cared
How she really felt

She dropped the looking glass
Shattering to the ground
Catching sight of Alice
The chase was on

Decidedly she followed
Into the last rabbit hole
Meeting up at last
Midnight long since passed

She took a deep breath
Gathering courage to ask

Alice paused
Head hung regretfully
Heart filled with absolute sorrow

Then answered honestly
I just don’t know…

©2011 Jill Terry


Dear Assclown,

Don’t know which corner of the world you’re dwelling these days, or perhaps hiding, confined or unwillingly restrained; doesn’t matter, because somehow I have faith this will find you…

I know at the time I confirmed that you nailed me most eloquently, but I don’t know that I ever properly thanked you for it. I happened across this quite randomly today and not only did it bring me pause, but it reminded me of something of great importance that I’ve lost site of and allowed to slip slowly from my grasp.

So, thank you, Anonymous Assclown, whoever and wherever you may happen to be!

AnonymousAssclown said this on March 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm

You’re missing her point. I think she’s past the point of simply giving a fuck that her book got published. I think she’s past the point of giving a fuck about what you or I think of what she writes.

I think she’s past the point of caring if her writing is in a novel or a blog or on the back of a fucking bar napkin.

She wants to write something that matters to her.
And Hitler was able to say he got a book published too.


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