She vaguely remembers him kissing her goodbye, as she lay sleeping in that big empty bed; though she wasn’t alone, not completely; for in her subconscious she was doing much dreaming. Then she woke and it all came crashing down; her reality, her misery, her fear and her longing. Images, words and thoughts, colliding into one, spiraling uncontrollably the halls of her mind; she reached a trembling hand, but again she found no one.
She emerged into the world, but only for a moment; for the light and presence of others unknown, pained her mind, blinded her eyes; and so wearily she carried herself to that place they call home, unlocking the door, assaulted once more by the onslaught of loneliness.
Was one of those days when she longed to lay fetal; unmoving, unthinking, unfeeling…just numb; but soon he returned with a broad happy smile, smelling of the road and telling her tales. Of the day he had, the friends with whom he met, the food, the laughter, the drink they had shared.
She smiled and nodded, heart shattering in silence; as she held back the tears that burned her throat and eyes; wondering how much longer she could live this life of lies. He kissed her on the cheek, asked what she was writing; “just some drivel, nothing you’d find interesting.”
He shrugged in acceptance, then turned and left the room; his brief presence trailing him, as if he’d never been there. She searched her bag, felt and extracted the bottle; shook out two pills, the ones taken for pain, hoping sooner than later, the trick they would do.
©2010 by Jill Terry
