Monthly Archives: October 2005

Dances with Wolves

A true testament to the human spirit; tapping into our inner selves and realizing what is right in this world and what is simply a manifestation of the sickness of our society. Too many times we allow ourselves to succumb to the sickness and follow the masses; ignoring the inner-voice that would lead us to the greater good, for the sake of conformity.

“Do not conform to that which you do not believe or have a clear understanding of. Listen to the voice and hear what it is telling you. The power lies within each of us. We need only find the key that sets it free…and peace will be at hand; within ourselves and within the world.”
-Jill Terry (October 2005)

“When it comes time to die, do not be like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.”
-Chief Aupumut, Mohican (1725)

Shattered Calm


We started the morning early, so early it was still dark when we left for extended day. When we headed east toward the school, the day was just beginning to break, giving off enough light so that the fog that hung in the treetops could be easily seen as we drove. My son marveled that we were driving under the clouds and expressed many times along the way, how awesome and beautiful he thought it was.

Then as we pulled into the empty lot, as we were the first ones to arrive, there it was; the moon full still shining in the sky, just barely above the treetops that made up our distant view. We got out of the car and stood for a few minutes and my son took my hand and said, “I’m glad we got to share this,” and then we went inside.

As we walked down the hall, I told him I hoped he had a great day and he said, “I know it’ll be a great day, because the morning has been so good.” I left the school, already missing him, as sometimes special moments just aren’t enough and I want them to linger on indefinitely, and I stood silently between the falling moon and the rising sun and all was calm.

That is, until I left and was cruising down S.R. 13 on my way to work, not a car in sight, and my calm was shattered, my tranquility discomposed, as some idiot bitch pulls out in front of me, for no other reason than she was too busy talking on her goddamn cell phone to pay attention to her driving!

So, I slammed on my breaks and laid on the horn to keep from hitting her, when what I really wanted to do was maintain my speed and ram her in the ass. I took several deep, deliberate breaths as I tried to rid myself of the rage that threatened to consume me, but it didn’t work. And so for the next several miles my mind was awhirl with chaotic thoughts and my attention focused on how out of control our society has become as a whole, in our complacency and I couldn’t help but wonder, as I passed one car after another speeding to their destination; how many of them even noticed the moon this morning.

Then I approached my bridge and the first thing I saw was the river, giving the appearance of a giant piece of perfect glass; reflecting the masts of the sailboats that it cradled in the stillness of its waters and the tress that lined it banks. I felt my pulse begin to slow and then I saw it; the moon with its pale pinkish hue, filling the sky and flooding my senses with composed harmony, and suddenly everything was balanced again.

It no longer mattered that I was surrounded by crazed lunatics, driving vessels of mass destruction, consumed with their own agenda and unaware of the world around them. I had seen and experienced the dawning of this day and felt true appreciation in the depths of my soul; and in the process was reminded that my personal balance is within my control, and that my energy need not be wasted on those things which I have no control.

What was your lesson learned today?



Make the best of it…

That seems to be my mantra, although not of my own choosing, but always the way; just make the best of it. Well you know what…I’m sick to death of making the best of it, tired of making silk purses from sows ears…screw that…I want more; I want the silk purse without the sow and I’m not ashamed to admit it!

My Grandmother, whom I loved with every ounce of my being, used to speak and think so highly of me, in that I always managed to make the best of any situation and see the light at the end of even the darkest tunnel. And she was right; only I’m tired of looking through the din to see the light.

The difference between this type of attitude and feeling sorry for ones self…people who feel sorry for themselves tend to wallow in their misery and do nothing about it. I on the other hand will probably get what I want, for the simple fact that I’m so damned determined to settle for nothing less than what I want and think I deserve.

My mother says to get over it and look at my accomplishments and be satisfied with them; I’m a wonderful mother, a published author and a good-hearted, caring person, who once took a detour and rode the Highway to Hell for a time and managed to get back on the right track. While that may be true and all very well and good, I’m not satisfied…not even close.

So, what am I doing about it…

I’m setting out on a personal quest; a Vision Quest if you will; based on the Native American belief that through the teachings of Earth Medicine, I will be able to transform my life and give purpose and direction to my Earth Walk. Earth Walk being the way you live your life, express your personality; the way you live out your dreams, aspirations, hopes and fears.

My goal is to discover along my journey, who I am, what I am and what the primary purpose of my life is; how to release my creative energies and develop self-confidence through an appreciation and respect of our wondrous earth that will put me in harmony with nature and the environment. Recognizing the subtle earth influences and learning how to make use of them, to bring myself in-tune with the planet’s energy; fine-tuning my psychic sensors and totems to extend my awareness and obtain guidance and advice from my higher or “spirit” self.

Sound like a bunch of hocus-pocus…perhaps to those who find themselves grounded, but in all honesty, grounded is something I’ve never been. The distinct difference between this magik and the popular conception of magic, associated with illusion and trickery, is that this is of the supernatural, and a natural use of the unseen forces of the universe under the control of the mind.

Will keep you posted of my findings along the way…


How To….

Deal with unbearable parents in a volunteer situation. They’re like the crazy cousin no one wants to talk about…we all have one and unfortunately we’re stuck with them. You can avoid the crazy cousin, but there’s no getting away from the overbearing, fun-sucking parent who happens to be in the same organization.

My hats off to all parents who volunteer their time; it’s very admirable and your involvement is something I believe your kids will always remember, but why does there have to be one in every group who wants to stand out above the rest? You’d think it would be enough to just to be involved, but no….they monopolize every situation, every meeting, every event, and generally speak out-of-turn simply because they like the sound of their own voice.

Well guess what…everyone else is sick of listening to you…so shut the f**k up!!

It would be nice if it were just that easy, but unfortunately it’s not. So, how do you deal with such a situation? There is a hierarchy in this group, and even though the parent was asked not to send group emails unless they were first reviewed by someone of higher authority, the request has gone ignored, and so they question and announce things that have already been taken care of or are irrelevant and end up confusing half the volunteer parents, to which someone has to go behind and straighten out.

This is a parent who is very involved in all phases of the organization, but to such an extreme that it leaves one wondering if this is their sole purpose for living…do you see what we’re dealing with here? Do you have one in your own group? How does one reign in such a beast? I’m opening the comments box on this one and would appreciate any advice or insight.


%d bloggers like this: