Sunday Scribblings
Sunday Scribblings – #100 Time Machine
I can’t help but wonder if one day they’ll look back and regret all the things they didn’t do, not because they couldn’t, but because they didn’t want to, didn’t think it was that important, or couldn’t spare the time; wishing they could go back in time and do it all differently. Perhaps because they’re lonely and their kids don’t come around as often as they’d like, or maybe they didn’t turn out to be the type of people they’d hoped they would.
I hear them talk, especially women, saying; “I can’t wait till they turn eighteen.” – “It’s not my place to say anything, my job was over when they turned eighteen.” – “What I wouldn’t give for a weekend alone.” – “I can’t wait till they move out and I can have my house back.” These are just a few examples, but I’m always left dumbfounded when I hear this, as if being a parent is a chore, or a requirement that’s expected; you fall in love, you get married, you have kids. I don’t understand it.
I’m alone this weekend, for the first time in ten years, wandering around the house as if I’m lost and I miss my little buddy so much that I slept in his bed last night. This doesn’t make me a better parent, but perhaps just a different sort of parent; one who cherishes and makes the most of every moment and will never stop being a mother, no matter how old my son gets. And I know he wouldn’t want me to stop, that’s just the kind of relationship we have.
I’ve never sent him outside or to the neighbors because he was under foot or driving me crazy, he never has. Just recently he told me that whenever he sleeps over with his friend, that he’s fine until it’s time to go to sleep and then he misses me so much he wants to cry. A time or two he did, when he first spent the night away from home and I remember the dad telling me that Cole had come to him in the middle of the night wanting to come home and he sent him back to bed instead of calling us, as if he was doing us a favor. I’m not that kind of parent either, and made sure he knew that no matter what time of day or night it was, if he wanted to come home, we’d come get him.
I keep in touch with his teacher on a regular basis, whether there’s reason to or not, I just think keeping that line of communication open is a good thing. The principle speaks to me every time he sees me, not because I’ve ever been called to his office, but because he knows me as Cole’s mom, the kid who last month won the Character Counts award for Respect and this month won Student of the Week, and every 9 weeks but one, has either been on the A or AB Honor Roll; not because we spend hours a night helping him with his homework, but because he’s a good student and takes pride in his work.
It’s a privilege being his parent and I take it very seriously; thinking of his feelings and taking into consideration how certain situations will affect him before making my own decisions. That’s what being a parent is to me, not just making breakfast, packing lunches and rushing him to and from school and baseball, but taking the time to let him help pack his lunch, talking about all sorts of fun, goofy or serious things on the way to school and not dropping him off at the ball fields and returning ten minutes before practice and games are over, but staying the entire time and cheering him on, or just sitting by the bleachers reading my book. He knows I’m there, will always be there, no matter how old he gets.
The same way my parents were and still are. And just as I talk to them nearly every day, and see them as often as possible, I hope that when I’m an old woman, sitting in the courtyard under the shade of my live oaks, that he still will want to spend time with his old mum, just because he can.
*That* was positively beautiful! And, reminds me soo much of my Mum and Dad that its seriously touching to find ::someone:: out there, who understands or rather, *gets* what it is like to be a parent and to be a child ~ as you wrote from both perspectives. My parents and I are always boggled when we hear the same comments stemming from similar people around here. We honestly were starting to believe we were the only :normal: family. Normal only to imply that ‘those who have a similiar viewpoint’. Like you, we respect all people. And, there are different paths for each, but… honestly… don’t you ever think, “are we the only ones?” Seriously. I enjoyed this beyond what I can express. Check out what I wrote. I think you will understand why.
~*ReincarnatedGirl*~
It’s a wonderful thing to dedicate yourself wholeheartedly to the parenting of your child. But for me, the paradox in it is that in giving of yourself as fully as you do, it’s also necessary to accept that you are doing that in order to free that child when the time is right to go live their own life, and that may or may not mean spending a lot of time with you. The security you give them in raising them like that actually means they can go off into the world without always “needing” to come back. They may want to, and that’s lovely, but I actually feel good to know that my son doesn’t feel he has to come home all the time. Does that make any sense?
~*ReincarnatedGirl*~ I’m happy you could relate and were touched by my post. I do sometimes feel like the “odd one” when it comes to parenting. I had a reader once say something about me not being able to keep him addicted to me forever, and I found that comment very disturbing, as if they thought I was wrong to feel the way I do about my child. Maybe it’s different when you only have one, I don’t know. My husband is from an entirely different generation and has two adult children and grandchildren and thinks I’m a wonderful mother. I’m quite confident that he’d reel me back in if necessary.
Imelda – I agree with you absolutely. I’m simply trying to raise him to be the best person he can possibly be. He’s very independent now and it’s thrilling to see him use common sense and good judgment at this early age. For instance, he’s already seeing some of his friends develop behavioral patterns that he doesn’t necessarily agree with and he’s at the point that he’s trying to determine if he really wants to be these kids friend, even though they’ve been buddies since kindergarten. I think that shows a lot of character for a ten year old. We only have one promise that we’ve ever made between us, and that’s that he always remain true to himself.
~Afterthought~
While I did sleep in his bed, it had more to do with the fact that he has the better mattress! I also found plenty to keep me busy and thoroughly enjoyed the alone time, where I could give my full, uninterrupted attention, to writing and watching a few grown-up movies. What I didn’t do was wander aimlessly, but I thought it gave the post a bit of a dramatic flare. Remember…I’m a writer and embellishment is my job : )
A lovely and touching piece of writing.
Walter
Thank you, Walter.
Nice reminder of how parenthood and childhood should be. I will never forget carrying my son to the nursery, or his second college graduation, month after next. My son is my best friend.
Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed that post. As I was reading it, my little man came out of his room and gave me his special kisses. He takes my face in his little hands and gives me the softest kisses one on each cheek, each eye lid, my nose and them my lips! They are the best kisses in the whole world! And when I stop to think that he actually walks away from whatever he is playing with or watching in his room just to do that… it makes me realize I must be doing something right. We are two very lucky Mama’s (probably in part because we are two very lucky daughters). And, we have two very lucky little guys.
What a wonderful piece of writing and testament to good parenting. I am yet to be a parent, but I embraced your ability to cherish life and realize that life is transient and impermanent and therefore not to be taken for granted ever. great post!